Your email software doesn’t suck. You suck.

Chris Orzechowski
6 min readAug 20, 2019

A long time ago, the world-renowned author Stephen King was at a seminar, giving some advice to aspiring writers.

The people in the audience could ask him any question they wanted. And he was willing to answer it.

A young author stepped to the podium, looked Stephen right in the eye and said:

“Mr. King… what kind of pencil do you use?”

This is known as the Stephen King Pencil question.

It’s a phrase that means: it doesn’t fucking matter what kind of stupid fucking pencil you use… if you suck, your pencil won’t matter. And if you’re a pro, your pencil won’t matter, either.

It’s not the tool you use. The only thing that matters is the skill of the person wielding that tool.

The “Which Email Software Is Best For Me?” Argument

A few days ago, I found myself scrolling through a discussion in a Facebook group for the email software I use to run my business.

In the group, there was a discussion raging.

People were NOT HAPPY with the software, and were asking for options to jump ship.

The funny thing is…

When I read their ‘grievances’ they all focused around three things:

  • Low opens/no sales
  • Low deliverability
  • Difficulty custom coding the “ready-made” landing page editor

You know, I was going to leave it alone. I really was.

“Chris… you got bigger fish to fry. Don’t worry about these idiots. They’re never going to be successful entrepreneurs anyway.”

But I just couldn’t let this go.

So, I chimed in with my two cents.

It Doesn’t Matter What Fucking Software You Use. They’re All 90% The Same Anyway.

Let’s start dispelling these bullshit beliefs one by one.

The first thing you need to understand is every single email software is inherently the same.

Sure, there are some nuances. But when you line up ConvertKit, Drip, Active Campaign, MailChimp, etc… they all work the same god damn way.

You can do broadcasts and autoresponders.

Yes, each one has some features that make it unique.

But at the end of the day, if you have a business… as long as you can send broadcasts and tag people and create some basic automations… you can do just about everything you need.

The second thing you need to understand is that if you think you’re having “deliverability issues”… you probably aren’t.

Now, listen…

Sometimes there are wonky things that can tank deliverability.

But sometimes, you have a shit email list. Or you haven’t built up enough know, like, and trust with your prospects BEFORE they sign up for your list… so they’re joining your list with a burner account.

Are some of your emails going to go to spam?

Of COURSE some of them are.

Hell, my list is very responsive and I STILL have some people who have to rescue my emails from the spam filters.

That’s happened to me with ConvertKit. It happened to me when I used Drip. It happened to me when I used Aweber. And it’s even happened to my clients who pay out the ass each month for Infusionsoft.

Guess what?

Every person who has an email list — regardless of the software they use — has some of their emails end up in the spam folder.

You wanna know what the difference maker is tho?

If you are a good marketer and work to attract the RIGHT kind of people… they will dive into the spam/promotions folder to FIND your stuff if it happens to get sent there on accident.

The only reason I know this is because I routinely have people tell me they rescued my email from their spam folder… and they whitelisted my emails so they don’t miss future ones.

Why do they do this?

Because they like my shit.

If people aren’t doing that to you, then they probably don’t like your shit.

And you need to fix your public-facing marketing and branding efforts.

Most “deliverability” issues are greatly exaggerated.

I say this as someone who’s worked on teams where we’ve had massive lists with hundreds of thousands (sometimes millions) of email subscribers. When you have a list that size, then yeah… deliverability might matter a bit.

But if you’re a small-time player… then grow up.

You probably don’t have a deliverability issue. You probably just need to get better at marketing and pre-framing people so that they WANT to be on your list and buy your products.

The third thing you have to realize is that if you’re getting low open rates… it doesn’t mean your emails aren’t getting delivered.

It could mean your subject lines suck.

It could mean you baited people into joining your list with a freebie… but they have no idea who you are or why they’re on your list in the first place.

It could mean, you just don’t write great emails and people don’t enjoy reading your stuff. So after a while they start tuning out.

There’s a myriad of possibilities for why you have low opens.

But I am pretty sure it’s probably not a problem with your email software.

Ok, the last thing… if you have an email software, judge it by it’s abilities to send emails. NOT on it’s ability to do things like custom-code your ssqueeze pages so you can add some minutae that’s probably not necessary for success in business.

You know what makes a good squeeze page?

A good lead magnet with a good headline.

If you have those two things, it doesn’t matter wtf your squeeze page looks like.

I don’t care about your split tests… I don’t care about your fucking button color.

The offer itself is more important than any of that other bullshit.

So yeah…

My Nespresso machine doesn’t play my favorite music. That’s why I bought an iPhone.

Your email software needs to store your database, tag people, and send emails. That’s all you need to be successful.

If you cannot sell your product without a million fancy bells and whistles… then your product probably sucks. And your business is going to go down in an epic blaze of glory. And we will all eat popcorn and watch in awe as it happens.

Software Is Not Your Scapegoat

Don’t cast blame on software.

Cast blame on yourself.

If something is working for tens of thousands of people… but for some strange reason it’s not working for you… then maybe you’re the problem.

You might not believe me.

That’s fine.

But maybe you will when you move your list to another software and find that you have THE EXACT SAME PROBLEMS.

Let Me Throw Your A Lifeline

There’s a few things you can do right now.

If you’re someone who’s been known to whine about software so you can hide behind complexity and never actually launch your thing so you don’t have to deal with the fact that you might be a failure… then you have two options.

  1. You can acknowledge you’ve been acting like a wanker… and change your ways. You can learn how to actually write effective email sequences that sell. I wrote a book that teaches you how to do this. It’s free. Go to www.themakeitrainbook.com and get a copy and you’ll see how this whole email thing is done.
  2. Or… you can just shut the fuck up about it and switch your software already and stop bitching so you don’t waste other people’s time.

What Software Do I Use?

This one. It’s great. It does everything I need. And you can even try it for free to see if you like it.

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